Hey Everyone:
This blog, All In The Family,
will take a look at relationships, parenting, stress, mental health, the
struggles and triumphs in our lives, how to understand and find professional help
and more. It will address concerns relating to all areas of family and personal
life. Your input and suggestions will direct the topics of the blog. So, please
write in with your questions and concerns today. No question is too big or too small,
right or wrong. GO for it!!
To
begin this blog series, lets look at Adolescence. Teenagers. The good, the bad
and everything in between, which is pretty much all of it. Adolescence is the
developmental stage between childhood and adulthood, and generally defined in research as the ages between 12-24.Yes, research has found that the brain is not fully developed until 24 years old. It is a very dynamic period
of life for the adolescent (and everyone around them). What is “normal”
adolescent behavior and what is not? This is the question most parents of
teenagers want answered. Some parents feel that they know what is “normal” or
appropriate based on their own experiences during adolescence. Guess what? Your
experience is generally not a good baseline for “normal” today.
Why
Not, you ask? Well, to begin with a lot has changed in our environment from
your adolescent years. The Internet, cell phones, and social media to name a
few. Secondly, you are not your
child and you are not the same as your parents. So the chances that your child
will behave the same way as you did, is unrealistic.
Many
of us have raised our children in an overly protective parenting style. This
can be referred to ask Parenting to Protect. We like to know where they are,
whom they are with and what they are doing and when they will be back. No
mysteries, no surprises. We have
tried to reduce our own stress levels keeping our kids close, well supervised
and generally under our control.
Well,
along comes adolescence and our children begin to want to make some of their
own decisions. WHAT?? Questions such as: When can I stay home alone, walk
through the neighborhood by myself, hang out at a friend’s house without a
parent being home, go to the mall with friends, send shivers of uncertainty and
doubt through parents.
Although
we must have known that this day would come, some parents fear they have not
prepared their adolescent for all the scenarios that may befall them when they
are on their own. Instead of allowing these budding adults to “give it a try”,
our fears take over and we pull in the reigns. Conflict arises.
How
can our adolescents prepare for adulthood unless their parents are willing to
start allowing them the room to experience, fail, learn and try again, while we
as parents learn understanding, forgiveness and compassion. In the adolescent
stage, children need their parents to switch from the Parenting to Protect style
to the Parenting to Launch style of parenting. This does not mean the adolescent should have no rules or carte blanche but rather a little more freedom, trust and ability to try things in their own way. Each person is unique, each
family has its own rules and boundaries. How can a family work together to
ensure this parenting shift involves more respect, less conflict and more
compromise?
Please share what has
worked or not worked for your family? Your teen?
*** Jean
No comments:
Post a Comment