Where's my phone????

How attached are you to your cell phone?

At this point, I sometimes feel like my cell phone should be attached to me. I used to joke that my cell phone was “ my external brain drive” but I’m not sure I am joking anymore. How many phone numbers that you have received since you started using your cell phone, do you know by memory? Can you recall a specific birthday or when your next dentist appointment has been scheduled for without your cell phone? Never mind, I now use my cell phone as a wake up alarm, a weather guide, a calculator and sometimes a flashlight and much more. 

I am completely attached to my cell phone. I notice that I feel panicky when I can’t find it or I haven’t been able to check it for a little while. What exactly is that all about? Is it security, connection, needing the extra memory space or simply entertainment?

As I morph into this cell phone dependent person, I watch those around me negotiate their relationship with their phone. It is the increasingly few that are able to navigate clear boundaries between cell phone appropriate use and dependence. (and we haven’t even mentioned candy crush/ angry birds or the next popular challenge) Not only do we need to navigate the boundaries of our relationship with our cell phone but we also have to renegotiate the rules of the relationship with the people we are no longer connecting with because we are so enamored with or engulfed by our phones.

Sigh, I feel I must finish this blog segment, I need to check Facebook, Instagram, Email, Text message, Snapchat……..

Is there cell phone free time in your life?  Please tell me about it and how it works for you and those around you.

***Jean

Cellphone use and privacy with children

Jack has been in his room for hours with his cell phone. He is texting. Who is he texting? What is he texting? How can a parent monitor what their child is saying, doing or sending? 

How much privacy can you give your child with their cellphone? This is a complex question that relies on many variables.  How much privacy is acceptable in your family? Are you a family that shares many things openly and easily? How much do you trust your child to tell you what is happening in their life? Regardless of the answers to these questions, parents should have their child’s cellphone password as well as their email and Facebook account usernames and passwords. Whether and how often the parent feels they need to check these accounts will vary but the child should know that a check is possible and probable.

Adolescents may balk at their parents checking up on them or looking at their private conversations. I’m sure there have been plenty of kids that are horrified at the notion that their parents may see something private. Nevertheless, children as well as adolescents need to know that their parents are aware of what they are doing and that there may be consequences or at least questions to answer. In my opinion, this may be the difference between a kid pushing the send button immediately and the two seconds the child may take to question their comment, response, picture or post.

            It is also important to talk to your kids about appropriate cell phone use, pictures and language. It is important to set down some clear rules about what is fun and harmless and what is potentially harmful and inappropriate. Kids do not always have the foresight or experience to understand long-term consequences. In my experience, these potential consequences may have to be spelled out without too much exaggeration a few times before a child understands or integrates them.

***Jean

Cell phones and families: Boundaries in a high technology world

What is appropriate cell phone use at mealtime and what is not?

Different families have different boundaries and rules for using cell phones at mealtime. Many kids will want to continue their texts, check their emails, write emails or check their Facebook or Instagram during breakfast or dinner. Traditionally, mealtime has been a time for families to connect and relate to one another. It might be the only time in a day that the family members are together and doing the same thing, eating. This type of together time has increasingly diminished in North American families.

Cell phone use can definitely impede on the availability and connection that families need to maintain a close, informed and open relationship with one another. If one child is texting a friend, while another child is just trying to pass the next Candy Crush level, and someone else is busy photographing the meal for Instagram before anyone can tuck in, they are not really engaged with each other. Full focused attention to each other is a rarity and made even harder to achieve when you are waiting for a ping that indicates a message has been delivered to your “in” box.

Some children will take their lead from their parents. If it is ok, for the adult to receive calls, then the child may assume it is also ok for them to receive calls or do other things with their phones. Cell phones are a wonderful way for kids to connect with their peers. The phone becomes their lifeline to all that is happening around them. Therefore, many adolescents will try to push back on family rules by asking for a special allowance “just this one time” or insisting it is there right to use their phone when they want to use it. Well defined, consistent rules with distinct consequences that can be followed by all members of the family will be helpful in curbing the conflict around cell phone use at mealtimes.

Do you agree that there should be some cell phone free time within a day for people to connect in person?

Please share if your family has a plan that works and how you arrived at this plan?

Her: The Movie on Life, Love, Connection and Relationships

Has anyone seen this movie? I found it incredible and fascinating. The acting was superior but the idea behind the script was even more intriguing. This movie is basically about a man, Theodore, who “falls in love” with his Operating System named, Samantha. Although it never explicitly states that it takes place in the near future, it is implied throughout the film that this could happen next week or next month. The main character is contending with his feelings of loneliness, grief and loss over a failed relationship. He fears connecting with another person, discovering himself, expressing his desires and possibly being vulnerable to his emotions.

On the other hand, Theodore is able to connect with “Samantha” so deeply and quickly. What makes it so easy for “Samantha” to connect with Theodore and gain his trust? What is it about human interactions and emotions that can be so threatening? Are we falling into a trap as we rely more heavily on technology, news feeds, video games to be our “friends”, “mentors”, “sources” and “confidantes”?

Theodore’s job as a ghostwriter of personal letters, conveys the irony of how we have “simplified” our lives by doling out the responsibility of expressing our love, gratitude or any emotion to a ghostwriter. Is it that we will no longer have the time or that we are no longer capable or sadly that we no longer feel it is worth our time to be emotionally connected with each other. It is evident that it is still important for us to feel loved and connected but increasing difficult to be loved and connected in a relationship.

Who are you really connected with? Friends, Colleagues, Partners, Parents, Children, Relatives? What does connection mean for you and how do you work on your connection with others?

Can you envision a day when you could “fall in love” with an Operating System?